Why Birthing Motherhood?

For the birth of my first child I diligently planned a home birth. With the help of a Hypno-Birthing class and my husband, I focused on embracing my body’s natural intelligence to birth my baby into this world.  Despite my intention to be a conscious, calm mama, anxiety about giving birth crept in. I worried that, like my own mother’s pregnancy, I might go into early labor. I worried about the health of my unborn child.   Acknowledging my fears,  I contacted Kaiser to request a check-in with a therapist early on in my pregnancy. That therapy never materialized.  When my home birth did not go smoothly and we ended up transferring to the hospital, I found myself spiraling into postpartum anxiety.  I had heard of postpartum anxiety, but the reality of it was totally surprising. The emotions were complex. There was joy, there was fear, and most of all there was uncertainty. I felt alone, disconnected from my own intuition, and out of control.  I was deeply aware of this anxiety, but unable to pull myself out.

By coming together with other women and sharing my birthing story in ceremony, I was able to begin the process of coming back to myself and my family. I saw how my own birth, and post birth emotions reawakened when I birthed my son and triggered feelings of anxiety, helplessness and fear. I was able to go back and give my infant self the acknowledgment she was seeking. 

My second birth, a successful home birth in the middle of a worldwide pandemic, was truly healing. This joyful experience allowed me to integrate my first birth into a story of profound bodily learning. Now, both births weave together for me as one sweet story, the birth and unfolding of my own motherhood. 

The more mothers I speak with, the more I realize that many of them long to tell their story.  The birth of a mother goes beyond the physical birth of a baby and is heavily influenced by that experience. I want to shed light on the mamas, create a space to speak and share story and reflect on how their own motherhood was birthed. I want to hear how these stories change and deepen with time and reflection.  We can learn from each other. We can support each other. Our stories are similar and unique.  Through the telling of our stories, I hope to increase connection between mothers, and to honor the juiciness of the materialization of the human spirit into physical form.